Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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