I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Houston, we have a blender
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
