So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He? As in you personified your dick?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
