then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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