this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
