dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
