That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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