HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
