I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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