3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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