i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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