That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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