Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You pole danced in your parka.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
