this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
