I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
