he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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