Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
