Jerry, you need to find god
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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