that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
