I think I died a long time ago.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
