The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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