I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
