bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
