apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
