she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
