im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
