And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
