Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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