I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
