i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize