It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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