smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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