What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize