Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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