4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
