Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
All the doctor said was why
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
