wanna go halves on a baby?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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