remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
