I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
