I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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