I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
