I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
