My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We had sex on a dog bed..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
