Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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