There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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