she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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