he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
