mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
