I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm sobbing to NWA
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
