i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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