Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I supernannyed him into submission
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
