anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
