Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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