If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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