I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
