You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
