I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
