4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
