I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
