i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
