I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
