It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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