someone threw a dead crab at me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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