just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
