Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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