Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize