So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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