Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
