This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
