You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
