someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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