Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
