I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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