new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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