thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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