Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
